Written by Zoe Blain
Week 7: Smuggling/Import Laws
A few weeks ago I rediscovered a treasured computer game from my childhood. Drug Lord 2.2. It is like the share market, but instead of BHP, CBA, Telstra and Rio Tinto you can invest in Heroin, Cocaine, Ice and LSD. When you are ranked “wannabe” or “small distributor” you must purchase cans of “no scent” to fly your goods overseas. At $1000 a can, no scent is a mythical substance that fools sniffer dogs with a 100% guarantee if you use enough…
As an “area distributer” or “drug lord” shipping is necessary, because hundreds of thousands of cocaine ‘units’ need hundreds of thousands of no scent cans to slip through customs. If you ship with the most expensive company “International Couriers” your goods will arrive without a hitch. Even if it is going to cost a little…
Unfortunately for those idealistic souls who attempt to smuggle illicit substances out of the world of drug lord, such guarantees are scarce.
This week, I was hoping to find a topic other than drugs to write about. However, after punching “weird smuggling stories” into Google, it seemed as though I had no choice. Amidst sites boasting smuggling tips, lay the handcuffed wrists and inflamed assholes of those who had failed.
The most popular techniques appeared to be…
– Up the asshole and/or vagina
– Swallowed (drugs packed into ‘pellets’, balloons or condoms)
– Strapped to the body
–Stitched into wigs
– Under/ or dissolved into a plaster cast
– Stuffed into corpses
– In containers of Holy water
Naturally, the successful techniques weren’t discussed.
Anyway, this got me thinking: why do people keep repeatedly risking these methods?
I blame the media. Australians appear to love a good smuggling story. It is like killing two birds (the war on drugs and illegal immigrants) with one stone. News readers flatten shy grins and sparkling eyes as they introduce new airport security tactics. Hit television series “Border Control” is up to its eleventh season, with audiences barracking for regular Aussie blokes to bust nasty foreign criminals.
I once was lucky enough to witness the filming of this program at Sydney airport. I was on my way back from Hawaii and customs officers were putting on an extra tough show for the cameras. I was held up for twenty minutes as an overweight man in a fluorescent vest shook and glared at a wooden ukulele I had purchased. He let me go after confiscating several “suspicious” souvenir necklaces.
In my opinion, all of this exposure works to broadly publicize drug smuggling techniques, with mothers, lawyers and even children privy to the tactics of the ‘mule.’ And I reckon criminals and dealers probably watch television too. For all we know, these reports and programs could be a rich source of research for such types! And there’s always going to be the guy who scoffs and thinks he can do it better…
Playing drug lord this morning, I imagined how much more entertaining it would be if you could chose between stuffing heroin up your ass or under a plaster cast instead of using “no scent.” Then I imagined the potential outrage this could cause. I pictured Anna Coren gravely warning parents about Drug Lord; a game which familiarized kids with the drug trade and smuggling methods. Cue: Today Tonight outro tune. “Coming up next: customs questions suspicious looking Mexican woman at Sydney airport on BORDER CONTROL AUSTRALIA.”