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Bang goes the stapler

Week 9: Accidental Illegality
By Daniel Browne

With the majority of my schooling spent figuring out ways to cure my boredom, I never expected that I’d eventually come across a way to kill more than time (in hindsight I realise that it was inevitable). It turned out that a few cleverly placed elastic bands–used to keep the firing medium secure–turned the mechanism of a humble desk stapler into a deadly weapon. I can’t say I ever managed a ‘confirmed kill’ with my improvised device, but we did end up drawing blood on more than one occasion–mostly my own. It’s obvious now that my efforts were highly illegal, I’m just glad nobody lost an eye.

An example of a home-made firearm much better than mine (which for some reason wouldn’t upload)

I have since put away my pen launching device, but I’m afraid I’ve still continued to flout the law without knowing it. Up until today I’d also mistakenly been breaching motoring laws almost every time I hopped in my car. Did you know it’s illegal to toot your horn or wave out your window to bid someone goodbye? The offences carry a fine of $141… each. An elbow out the window also counts, which is a shame, because everybody knows that resting your arm on your windowsill brings with it that element of cool you won’t ever get with your hands at 10 to 2. I’ll still continue to do it, I just can’t call it an accident anymore.


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